Mama Bear

Fact: About 70 percent of human deaths by grizzly bears are from mothers protecting their cubs.

I am the mama bear. (It's Mama Laura)

And that's not always a good thing.

B was 3 (almost 4) when his dad and I split up and I've been very 'mama bear' ever since. I honestly don't think he even remembers us all living in the same space - but I worry constantly about him and his feelings about our family.

I love this picture of the two of us...it was taken when, for a brief time, it was just the two of us. Mama bear and baby bear. He was my shining star - the reason why I got out of bed every day and still had a smile on my face. I had to remind myself that the decision I had made was best for me & was also best for him. I had to remember that it was increasingly important for me to ensure that his life was as incredible as he deserved it to be. He got me through a lot of the pain. I looked at his sweet face and knew that my life meant something. This mama bear loved her cub. He was my life.

I think I've spent more than my fair share of time trying to protect him from as much of it as I could - and really...what am I so anxiously protecting him from?

When a new papa bear came on scene along with several other cubs life changed a lot for baby cub and me. and seven years later I still catch myself being over protective of my cub - and often times that includes cutting him lots of slack. Lots. Probably more than I should sometimes - but I tell myself often that he's really such a great kid! And then sometimes, quietly to myself, I follow it with a 'for all he's been through'. And I wonder how much all of this really has effected him - and how much it hasn't.

One of the on-going-stressful-step-family struggles that occur seem to center around my need to protect him. Anytime he behaves like the 11 year old that he now is (which means he's sassy, he's short, he knows WAY more than we do, he's often not nice to his little sis, he is dishonest about finishing his homework etc.) I tend to make excuses in my head, tell myself that he's really a great kid, and follow that up by excusing his behavior out loud.

I am aware that I need to change this and continue to hold him accountable for his behaviors so that he CAN grow to be the great big bear that I know he is...but I haven't quite figured out how to let go of the bear in the mama. (Don't worry - it's on my list).